Sweet!!

Well  today is the first day of work. a 4 to 8pm...my friend Grant is suppose to stop by and give me insulin so I don't die waiting for my insulin. UGH! And I told him I'd pay him for it. I guess that's fair, but I like free stuff. We might go out for a bite to eat. oops sorry mom lol. She made something for me to eat hahaha! I'll get to it when I get home I guess.


I am soooo flipping excited!!
That is all. Carry on =)

Plans

Well me and Scott have talked about closing the distance once and for all.

Goals

1. Get Driver's Liscence
2. Save money
3. Get a Scholarship
4. thats about it....oh! Tell my mom lol

  I am going to move in with him 2months after he gets back from deployment. =). we are getting a 2 bedroom apartment. I have to find a job out there. And learn my way around. I think it might be for the best if i take a year off from school and just work my booty off. I'm kinda liking that idea a lot more. I know I could be messing things up for myself, but you have to take chances sometimes....Right? I'm really scared. I shouldn't be because I think Scott and I work together pretty well. I don't think we will be breaking up anytime soon. if we do. ugh! I am fucked. Because I will have to stay in Virginia and finish school...wonder if  he'll let me live with him still if we do break up. But if we don't. I can finish school and we might possibly be getting married. =D lets hope for the later. I don't want my family to be rubbing my mistakes in my face. I know this is a big deal. Sigh! why couldn't he live in Georgia? after I'm done with college he might have orders to go somewhere else overseas.  sigh so much to think about. kinda scared

He made me tear up today

Beautiful love song

This song is the most beautiful song Ive ever heard. And this is a song from my boyfriend. He tells me to listen to this. I love you too sweetie.

Sweet What Nots

Last night at 2am my boyfriend told me that he loved me. I will remember this always. we were talking to my friends on ventrilo for a while. and we were talking about everything about our trip.Then my bf started making fun of me. Hes like "you're in love with me, and you can help it. You wanna marry me." in his teasing voice. I said "so what =P you love me!"
He said "yeah, but youll probably never hear me say it."
I told him it was alright. then he went to explaining why he didnt like saying i love you. it was only for friends and family, saying that the words meant too much and the expectations with that came with that word was too much. Me and "RR" told him not to worry about it. That it was alright.

When we all said goodnight and got offline he called me. He was telling me goodnight and when we were getting off the phone he said that he loved me. and I said it back....then i giggled a little and we really said goodnight and hung up.

He told me it was hard for him to say and i told him when i first said it, it was hard for me too.

Passionate

[pash-uh-nit]

–adjective

1.

having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling; fervid: a passionate advocate of socialism.

2.

easily aroused to or influenced by sexual desire; ardently sensual.

3.

expressing, showing, or marked by intense or strong feeling; emotional: passionate language.

 –noun

1.

any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

2.

strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

3.

strong sexual desire; lust.

 

Synonyms
1.  excitable, emotional, impulsive, zealous. 1, 3, 4.  ardent, impassioned, excited, fervent, warm, enthusiastic, earnest, glowing, burning, fiery; animated, impetuous, violent. 5.  testy, choleric, hasty, short-tempered, fiery, hotheaded. 

I was described as passionate today. I truly am passionate about a lot of things. my future, my art, my friends, my family, my health and my love.  I am passionate about the man i love.

Basal Rate Testing

UGH! that's the only word to describe this. and it doesn't help that I'm looking at food porn. LMAO yeah i know. Bad Diabetic right?

I am trying to be a good diabetic and that is why i'm starting with my basal rate testing. I'm on a mission to get my A1C down to 6 like it was sooooo long ago. I was so proud of that number i have put myself to shame. I was the queen of my diabetes and now it controls me.

I'm also going to restock on test strips that aren't expired. OH YEAH!! I forgot i have great news! I have a job at Kroger's. I'm waiting for the drug test to come in and I'm going to call back in on Friday. Diabetes is expensive and I'm glad Ill finally have money to take care of myself better. That starts with not stressing, then getting the supplies i need, then getting the food i find acceptable, and then i will have time to exercise instead of trying to find a job and stressing myself out. Things will finally start lining up and getting better.

Tired

I am tired of not know wheather or not my boyfriend loves me. it is eating a hole in my chest. It is tearing me apart. His actions speak louder, his actions speak louder, but words speak the loudest! they are what i want to hear, wanted to hear for so long. I am yearning for him to say it to me. to mean it. to want me, to stop stringing me along.

honestly i dont know how long i can do this. what is so hard about telling someone how you feel? its not the end of the fucking world telling someone how you truly feel about them. even if it hurts. I would rather you not love me and i move on and find someone who can love me the way i deserve. Because i am a good person. I would do anything and everything for the man i love. nothing stops me from expressing myself to the person i love!! Nothing will stop me.

I love him more than he will know, more than anything on this earth. More than the air that fills these lungs.
i am so tired of feeling like i am the only one who cares about this relationship.