sexual information blog i found

http://humansensuous.blogspot.com/

Kill a nigga

The song that makes me laugh

see yall would kill these nigga, but ima kill dis bitch!
I've been waitin too long
and this hoe is talkin shit
i aint wit it, i dont like it, i dont like her, i will fight her
i will tie her ass up and set her whole body on fire

Well today my boyfriend of 3 years is chillin with a pair of our really good friends. Whenever he does so he forgets i exist(feels like it) and just leaves in the middle of our online conversations without saying bye or where he's going. Really pisses me off.

First off he should be more considerate, and secondly they should also be too. They know we're long distance for pete's sake!
They always wanna take all this time like theyve been with him through thick and thin, two deployments, this entire long distance relationship, they dont suck his dick, tell him goodnight, send him letters while he was away. Didnt send him carepackages. THE FUCK?!  anyways i am just as pissed at him

Quarter-life Crisis

Well it's official. I am having a quarter-life crisis. I am 23 years old going on 24 and I just now finished my associates degree. I still work at Kroger like it's poppin' and that's it. My life couldn't be more exciting. When I started college I had a plan that I would be done when I was 21 and getting my bachelors by the time I was 24. A move and an episode of depression stopped that plan in its tracks lol. With two semesters worth of "fuck why did I not do better" stupid depression, I lost my financial aid. Sigh! I think that was the beginning of this cluster fuck...

What I saw in my life was my BA or BFA which ever degree by the time I was 24, Married around that time too, kids at 28-30. Living a good life. Yknow?

I am scared I am not going to be as successful as I hoped I would be. And this makes it so much more important that I do because I have type 1 diabetes. People probably have it worse than me, but I feel like complaining about my crappy life situation right now.

Even though the future seems grim, it's nice to have friends who know how to lift up my spirits. I am thankful for their encouraging words or hope.

Good Morning

Thought I'd write something before getting off to work. School is pretty much kicking my ass. I really hope I pass my mid terms lol. Work has been shitter than usual lately. I just have no desire to go anymore. I hate my job entirely. I'm glad the move date is getting closer, though my boyfriend doesn't seem to be doing anything to get me out there. Like finding a job and an apartment for us. I hope in these two months he has left that he will surprise me with both. I really really do. I have no friends whom I can even stay with. Sigh!!

I also hope me and my mom move into this low income housing so I can start saving money. I could save $200-$250 a month if we move. That's a lot! plus the money I get for myself. Sigh! I really want to pay off my credit card!

Well I guess I'm gonna head out. Talk to you later!

Raspberry Cheesecake Truffles

Cooking Classy: Raspberry Cheesecake Truffles: Raspberry Cheesecake is definitely one of my favorite desserts, it's simply divine.  The berry and cream cheese combination is amazing.  I ...

I'm also making these! LOL

almond cinnamon truffles!

Everyday Emotion: Truffles. Almonds. Cinnamon.: Hello sunny saturday! I've got a little sweetness for you - truffles with almonds and cinnamon :-) Happy weekend to all of you! ...

OMG I'm on a truffle binge right now and I'm totally going to make these next time i'm off from work!

Update for Depressed.

Well me and DB actually got into a big fight where we were actually angry and didn't want to speak with each other. My boyfriend claims he doesn't hold sentimental value to anything but he does. Example his necklace. But anyways, he didn't understand why this simple ring was so important to me so I told him he must not care and some many other things that offended him. The next day we talked about it even though he didn't want to speak with me. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to him either since I took it as being selfish. He saw me as materialistic. I told him he could have bought me a 25 cent ring and I would have worn it till my finger turned green ect.

Long story short, we ordered our rings. He is very much in love with his. Mine should be here tomorrow. I cannot wait. We picked entirely different rings than the ones we were going to get. He got a silver one with gold rims. And I'm getting a silver one with a diamond in the middle. I like this better.

DB told me to stop thinking so low of myself. That I am an amazing person and I didn't need a ring as proof that he loved me. :< I know, but we've been dating for 2 years I want some kind of reassurance that I am not wasting my time y'know? I want to know that someday down the line he will propose to me. I told him my greatest fear is that we will never marry and one day he will just walk out on me and marry some little hot blond girl stating the entire time he knew I wasn't the one, just a piece of ass. So this ring was very important to me. I can wait as long as he feels he needs to know he's ready to marry me, but I need the reassurance. I think every woman does when she's investing all of her feelings into a man. It is scary. I don't think he understands because he knows how I feel about him, I never let him wonder about my feelings. He knows I want to marry him. He has nothing to worry about.

 But on a happier note. Going to have something shiny on my finger soon

My Moving Ticker

Depressed

Well looks like me and DB aren't getting promise rings after all, because of this
"so you wunt to gimem a gift but you want me to buy one in return, i thought you wanted to get them"

Like a month and a half ago I asked if he wanted to get promise rings to be a symbol of our commitment. And he said sure you have been asking for one for quite some time now. I told him I wanted to get him one too because we are long distance and it would be nice if he could look at his finger and say my girlfriend loves me.

 Well I canceled the order on his ring. The ring wasn't even that much. with shipping and handling it came to a grand total of 11 dollars. So i don't know what the problem was. That hurt my feelings so much. I don't know if I can even talk to him for a while. It just feels like he doesn't love me the way i love him. That he will never think of me as wife material. Never.

Refund!

So I've been waiting on this refund for a while now. Sadly I won't get to spend any of it on myself. I have to pay my credit card back and buy insulin pump supplies with it. But I am happy none the less. Me and DB have been talking about getting promise rings. And He finally got his finger sized. Took him a month to do it. The rings we're getting are very us. They are titanium with a blue ring around it with a zircon in the middle. I didn't want us to spend a whole lot on these. If we get married I want the money to go to those rings. Those rings will be white gold with real diamonds. I am really happy. DB's promise is really cute too. Like his better than mine. I said, I would remain faithful and devoted and love him no matter how far we are from each other. He said being faithful was too easy that he wanted to promise me better times. Kinda a tear jerker because this past year has been so hard, I have been so lonely and miserable. I love this man so much...

Got more good news. Me and the mom have been on the waiting list for hud housing and we are finally #12 on the list. We will be moving soon I'm sure. I will finally have money to get a bus pass every month and pay off these credit card bills and do extra little things that I haven't been able to do for so long. I can get new pants, I apparently grew and my pants are all high watered now. The sleeves on my shirts are short too, so I really need new clothes that fit my new body. I need new shoes for work that I've been meaning to do for a while. I am excited. I can't wait for that to happen. I will also be graduating in May. YAY I finally got my AS degree!!! 

I am ready for this move in May. I am moving back to California to be with my boyfriend. We are going to go to California State University: Chico Campus. I am excited. I have some friends who live in the area. I really have missed my friends very much. When I get there we have to have a party. I need to see everyone. sigh! my boyfriend really really misses me. I feel sad I can't come sooner. sigh! if only I had taken the right science class in highschool. :( sorry DB the science class I need requires me to come to class once a week even if it is an online class. We will be together soon.

Where to Start?

OK, well I haven't been posting on here for what feels like forever. I'm going to be getting some insurance soon so I can see a doctor. YAY! Lost my financial aid last Spring and I'm just getting it back. I am sooo happy about that. The boyfriend made it back from deployment, but with bad news that he couldn't reenlist. I am happy that he couldn't, but damn life is gonna be interesting...He moved to California. That was a sad goodbye. Got to meet his dad and step mom though. HAHA! they're pretty cool actually. DB says they drive him crazy.

I'm still here in hell hole Georgia. Hate it here with a passion... I cannot wait to just pack up and leave. Just a couple more months I guess. I can live, but damn I'm quitting my job at Kroger.

Update: DB says he loves me on the regular. Pretty sweet huh? Ill be back to actually write in this.

Very Blah Indeed

So Valentine's Day was a bust. My boyfriend is so clueless sometimes. I wonder if he's ever had women around him. Well he has a mom and had a sister. I don't know about this boy sometimes. I was very angry with him yesterday. I told him he was stupid lol. But then I calmed down and apologized to him and told him I loved him and happy valentine's day. Then he stopped ignoring me; he's been ignoring me these past couple of days he's been back from pre-deployment training. But yeah we started talking.  Later that day my sister asked me if I got anything for Valentine's day so she could rub it in that I didn't. Instead of saying I got nothing I told her me and my boyfriend had a good conversation today....She said "aww!" I asked my boyfriend, "what should i say i got today?" and he said, "a ticket"
first off i was borderline kidding and wow that's awesome. Earlier that day i told him i wanted to see him before he deployed that i was willing to help pay expenses on his end or pay half on a plane ticket for me to go up there. So i didn't think i would get anything. He's not the romantic type so i wasn't expecting anything...that's horrible.

But now my dilemma is that is feel bad for being such a bitch to him these past couple of day, because he didn't have to buy me a plane ticket. sigh! what to do

New Year

Well we all know it is 2012 now. Can you believe it. I can't. I'm going to be 23 years old this year!!!! WOW! I am also graduating college with my Associates and moving out for the first time. I know I have a lot of post about how my boyfriend didn't express how he feels about me. After our almost break up in October everything has really changed in him. I'm not sure if I have become more understanding or he has become more affectionate. Either one, we are working hard for each other. Recently I was on the phone with him and we were saying goodbye before he left for Pre-Deployment training. I told him that I loved him. Then out of nowhere. I usually don't ask him if he loves me too, I did. And he said that he did love me. That was a very special moment. It made me feel like all these months with him were worth all the pain. I told him goodnight and to work hard.

He is currently out to sea. He will be deploying in March. Not sure when, but I'm not allowed to tell anyways. This time is going to be hard. But its going to be easy too. This will be our second deployment together. It won't be that bad. When he comes home I can go see him no problem because i was graced with a job finally. Honestly I have grown so much from knowing him. I am not that naive little kid anymore.

I have said countless times that I love him more than he knows. I think Scott knows. Maybe he's the one who loves me more than I know. This man is wonderful. He's the sunshine on the cloudy gloomy day. But enough about him. Lets talk about me!

I talked with my dad a while ago. He said when I come to california, he was going to help me get medical insurance so I wouldnt have to worry anymore. His wife would help me to get a job and set me up to be on my own. I was very pleased with this. Me and Scott haven't gotten to talk extensively about all this yet, but we are defiantly seeking moving in together soon. I am excited for myself. I have overcome so much in these pass couple years.

2012 is a New Year

My hopes

When I got a job I hoped it would make me happier. But it has only made me miserable.
when I went to school I hoped to make friends, but I feel isolated
when I moved to Georgia, I hoped I would be as successful as my family said i would be because the entire area is black orientated, but that was nothing but a lie to capture us.
I hoped when I got into this relationship i wouldnt get hurt, and I have not.
I hoped when i graduated college i would be happy, and I'm surely on that road.
i also hoped dinner would be there for me when i got off work, but instead there was cake....what kinda diabetic am i if i eat cake before dinner. sigh...

speaking of dinner I am starving. Guess when i'm done here i will go eat then take a nap...i got fucking work till midnight...again. as usual. damn thats sad. i say the usual and everyone knows midnight is the answer.

I have trouble keeping stress levels down. I need to look that up today.

Promises

Me and my boyfriend of a year and four months almost broke up because he misses me far more than i thought. I thought he was handling our relationship better than me. He says he misses me and is very lonely without me there. he wishes i was there with him and it breaks my fucking heart to hear him say that, knowing i cannot go. I don't have the money, i don't have a license nor am i done with school. it was so upsetting. I don't want to say i begged him to stay with me, but we were on the phone for a very long time talking about the pro's and how good he felt with me. i just don't understand how he could just throw in the towel when he cares so much about me! It really hurts

My boyfriend says he will continue to be with me. We only have a year till I'm moving over there with him. I am scared because of this. he would have easily thrown me away and for a reason that was entirely idiotic. But i know how he feels. I know that pain he's going through. I just want to be there for him when he is feeling lonely. He wouldn't admit to it, but he was crying that day. I could hear it in his voice. I just knew what he was saying was hurting him, that he didn't want to lose me; give me up. So i told him we weren't going to give up. We are going to try harder to make each other feel less lonely. Less frustrated, and more loved.

• We are going to call at least 2-3times a week
• write letters
• send care packages to each-other
• send gifts
• communicate better
• see each other more.
• and just try harder

I plan on buying him a promise ring to symbolize our struggle, our love, to always be faithful and remain friends no matter what. To know that when this long distance is over it will be a new beginning for us. And then it will mean something else. Maybe one day that promise ring can symbolize us getting married someday in the future.

I am in love with this man. I don't know what the future holds, but I know he has to be in it.

Today.

I am fucking freezing my ass off. ok thats not what i go online to say. My boyfriend is uncomfortable saying I love you back to me. Why the fuck is that?! he worries me a lot. i wish he would just say it to me and love me. I'm sure he loves me, but idk why it would be so hard for him to just...idk say it to me sometime. is it hard?

Didn't get on to vent either. I dont really have anything to blog about, but this band my boyfriend showed me. well showed everyone i just decided to look into them. Theyre call The Weeknd. I looooove their music, especially the song Wicked Games. that is all. ^^

Sweet!!

Well  today is the first day of work. a 4 to 8pm...my friend Grant is suppose to stop by and give me insulin so I don't die waiting for my insulin. UGH! And I told him I'd pay him for it. I guess that's fair, but I like free stuff. We might go out for a bite to eat. oops sorry mom lol. She made something for me to eat hahaha! I'll get to it when I get home I guess.


I am soooo flipping excited!!
That is all. Carry on =)

Plans

Well me and Scott have talked about closing the distance once and for all.

Goals

1. Get Driver's Liscence
2. Save money
3. Get a Scholarship
4. thats about it....oh! Tell my mom lol

  I am going to move in with him 2months after he gets back from deployment. =). we are getting a 2 bedroom apartment. I have to find a job out there. And learn my way around. I think it might be for the best if i take a year off from school and just work my booty off. I'm kinda liking that idea a lot more. I know I could be messing things up for myself, but you have to take chances sometimes....Right? I'm really scared. I shouldn't be because I think Scott and I work together pretty well. I don't think we will be breaking up anytime soon. if we do. ugh! I am fucked. Because I will have to stay in Virginia and finish school...wonder if  he'll let me live with him still if we do break up. But if we don't. I can finish school and we might possibly be getting married. =D lets hope for the later. I don't want my family to be rubbing my mistakes in my face. I know this is a big deal. Sigh! why couldn't he live in Georgia? after I'm done with college he might have orders to go somewhere else overseas.  sigh so much to think about. kinda scared

He made me tear up today

Beautiful love song

This song is the most beautiful song Ive ever heard. And this is a song from my boyfriend. He tells me to listen to this. I love you too sweetie.

Sweet What Nots

Last night at 2am my boyfriend told me that he loved me. I will remember this always. we were talking to my friends on ventrilo for a while. and we were talking about everything about our trip.Then my bf started making fun of me. Hes like "you're in love with me, and you can help it. You wanna marry me." in his teasing voice. I said "so what =P you love me!"
He said "yeah, but youll probably never hear me say it."
I told him it was alright. then he went to explaining why he didnt like saying i love you. it was only for friends and family, saying that the words meant too much and the expectations with that came with that word was too much. Me and "RR" told him not to worry about it. That it was alright.

When we all said goodnight and got offline he called me. He was telling me goodnight and when we were getting off the phone he said that he loved me. and I said it back....then i giggled a little and we really said goodnight and hung up.

He told me it was hard for him to say and i told him when i first said it, it was hard for me too.