Friday, November 16, 2012

Update for Depressed.

Well me and DB actually got into a big fight where we were actually angry and didn't want to speak with each other. My boyfriend claims he doesn't hold sentimental value to anything but he does. Example his necklace. But anyways, he didn't understand why this simple ring was so important to me so I told him he must not care and some many other things that offended him. The next day we talked about it even though he didn't want to speak with me. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to him either since I took it as being selfish. He saw me as materialistic. I told him he could have bought me a 25 cent ring and I would have worn it till my finger turned green ect.

Long story short, we ordered our rings. He is very much in love with his. Mine should be here tomorrow. I cannot wait. We picked entirely different rings than the ones we were going to get. He got a silver one with gold rims. And I'm getting a silver one with a diamond in the middle. I like this better.

DB told me to stop thinking so low of myself. That I am an amazing person and I didn't need a ring as proof that he loved me. :< I know, but we've been dating for 2 years I want some kind of reassurance that I am not wasting my time y'know? I want to know that someday down the line he will propose to me. I told him my greatest fear is that we will never marry and one day he will just walk out on me and marry some little hot blond girl stating the entire time he knew I wasn't the one, just a piece of ass. So this ring was very important to me. I can wait as long as he feels he needs to know he's ready to marry me, but I need the reassurance. I think every woman does when she's investing all of her feelings into a man. It is scary. I don't think he understands because he knows how I feel about him, I never let him wonder about my feelings. He knows I want to marry him. He has nothing to worry about.

 But on a happier note. Going to have something shiny on my finger soon

Friday, November 9, 2012


Well looks like me and DB aren't getting promise rings after all, because of this
"so you wunt to gimem a gift but you want me to buy one in return, i thought you wanted to get them"

Like a month and a half ago I asked if he wanted to get promise rings to be a symbol of our commitment. And he said sure you have been asking for one for quite some time now. I told him I wanted to get him one too because we are long distance and it would be nice if he could look at his finger and say my girlfriend loves me.

 Well I canceled the order on his ring. The ring wasn't even that much. with shipping and handling it came to a grand total of 11 dollars. So i don't know what the problem was. That hurt my feelings so much. I don't know if I can even talk to him for a while. It just feels like he doesn't love me the way i love him. That he will never think of me as wife material. Never.

Thursday, November 8, 2012


So I've been waiting on this refund for a while now. Sadly I won't get to spend any of it on myself. I have to pay my credit card back and buy insulin pump supplies with it. But I am happy none the less. Me and DB have been talking about getting promise rings. And He finally got his finger sized. Took him a month to do it. The rings we're getting are very us. They are titanium with a blue ring around it with a zircon in the middle. I didn't want us to spend a whole lot on these. If we get married I want the money to go to those rings. Those rings will be white gold with real diamonds. I am really happy. DB's promise is really cute too. Like his better than mine. I said, I would remain faithful and devoted and love him no matter how far we are from each other. He said being faithful was too easy that he wanted to promise me better times. Kinda a tear jerker because this past year has been so hard, I have been so lonely and miserable. I love this man so much...

Got more good news. Me and the mom have been on the waiting list for hud housing and we are finally #12 on the list. We will be moving soon I'm sure. I will finally have money to get a bus pass every month and pay off these credit card bills and do extra little things that I haven't been able to do for so long. I can get new pants, I apparently grew and my pants are all high watered now. The sleeves on my shirts are short too, so I really need new clothes that fit my new body. I need new shoes for work that I've been meaning to do for a while. I am excited. I can't wait for that to happen. I will also be graduating in May. YAY I finally got my AS degree!!! 

I am ready for this move in May. I am moving back to California to be with my boyfriend. We are going to go to California State University: Chico Campus. I am excited. I have some friends who live in the area. I really have missed my friends very much. When I get there we have to have a party. I need to see everyone. sigh! my boyfriend really really misses me. I feel sad I can't come sooner. sigh! if only I had taken the right science class in highschool. :( sorry DB the science class I need requires me to come to class once a week even if it is an online class. We will be together soon.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Where to Start?

OK, well I haven't been posting on here for what feels like forever. I'm going to be getting some insurance soon so I can see a doctor. YAY! Lost my financial aid last Spring and I'm just getting it back. I am sooo happy about that. The boyfriend made it back from deployment, but with bad news that he couldn't reenlist. I am happy that he couldn't, but damn life is gonna be interesting...He moved to California. That was a sad goodbye. Got to meet his dad and step mom though. HAHA! they're pretty cool actually. DB says they drive him crazy.

I'm still here in hell hole Georgia. Hate it here with a passion... I cannot wait to just pack up and leave. Just a couple more months I guess. I can live, but damn I'm quitting my job at Kroger.

Update: DB says he loves me on the regular. Pretty sweet huh? Ill be back to actually write in this.