Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Basal Rate Testing

UGH! that's the only word to describe this. and it doesn't help that I'm looking at food porn. LMAO yeah i know. Bad Diabetic right?

I am trying to be a good diabetic and that is why i'm starting with my basal rate testing. I'm on a mission to get my A1C down to 6 like it was sooooo long ago. I was so proud of that number i have put myself to shame. I was the queen of my diabetes and now it controls me.

I'm also going to restock on test strips that aren't expired. OH YEAH!! I forgot i have great news! I have a job at Kroger's. I'm waiting for the drug test to come in and I'm going to call back in on Friday. Diabetes is expensive and I'm glad Ill finally have money to take care of myself better. That starts with not stressing, then getting the supplies i need, then getting the food i find acceptable, and then i will have time to exercise instead of trying to find a job and stressing myself out. Things will finally start lining up and getting better.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Tired

I am tired of not know wheather or not my boyfriend loves me. it is eating a hole in my chest. It is tearing me apart. His actions speak louder, his actions speak louder, but words speak the loudest! they are what i want to hear, wanted to hear for so long. I am yearning for him to say it to me. to mean it. to want me, to stop stringing me along.

honestly i dont know how long i can do this. what is so hard about telling someone how you feel? its not the end of the fucking world telling someone how you truly feel about them. even if it hurts. I would rather you not love me and i move on and find someone who can love me the way i deserve. Because i am a good person. I would do anything and everything for the man i love. nothing stops me from expressing myself to the person i love!! Nothing will stop me.

I love him more than he will know, more than anything on this earth. More than the air that fills these lungs.
i am so tired of feeling like i am the only one who cares about this relationship.

Friday, July 22, 2011

The song I'm goin to sing to him

lovin' you is hard
lovin' you is wonderful
when you're holdin' back
is it so impossible
tell me why
i try
to control what's on your mind
and you should be here
(here by my side)
you shouldn't be makin' me cry
(no making me cry)
noooo

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that i'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
but i won't let you lie to yourself

you got it in your head
i was made for someone else
not you you you
it's a little late
you make all my dreams come true
tell me why
i try
to control what's on your mind
well you should be here by my side
(here by my side)
you shouldn't be makin' me cry
(no making me cry)
nooo

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that i'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
well i won't let you lie to yourself

(no need to worry)
no need to worry
(im in no hurry)
i've got all the time in the world for you baby
(cuz when you're in my arms)
when you're in my arms
you're the feelin'
I'll keep on tellin' you 'til you believin'

so don't go sayin'
contemplatin'
that I'm better off alone
cuz you're amazing
you drive me crazy
when you gonna know
you're too proud to let it show
i won't let you lie to yourself

Friday, July 15, 2011

USS Enterprise

Thats the ship my boyfriend was on. They just made it home today and I couldn't be more excited, relieved and happy.

What i'm listening to now

I really love death cab for cutie. that is my all time favorite band.
I really have missed Scott more than anything. He is the air that i breathe. God do i love him. Today i am going to complete my quizzes so i can study. Saturday and Sunday i am babysitting...then my last week of school. Then i get to see my bf. I am happy. we have a lot of things to talk about. a lot!!

Monday, July 11, 2011

ARRRRGHHH!!! I need to learn two things desperately!!!

To sew; machine and hand. And to Knit. THOSE are the two things i really really really wanna learn so i can make myself cute clothes. I have patterns but no machine. ugh! I wanna do some creative stuffs now


Like this purse. Argh!


or this cute motif puse. :< i wanna make it

Sunday, July 10, 2011

So tired

Well I've come to the conclusion that my boyfriend will have to beg me to have children. I hate kids guts with a flaming passion. I have babysitted for a 20hours in two days I am exhausted, cranky and I'm making that bitch pay me more money next weekend. Shuuu who she playin. her kids aint saints.


But besides that yay i made 35 bucks. next weekend. I'm asking for 60. especially since shes always working overtime. shes killin me.
Can't wait for my mini vacation. I'm just gonna laze around in the sun at the beach. LOL hope my boyfriend doesn't get burnt ^^ we joke that hes whiter than paper

Friday, July 8, 2011

today's date

My boyfriend will be home soon. I am truly excited about this. I am concerned that i might have fudged up by asking him for money, but its ok. I know i am just worried for no reason.
My day has been going alright. it started with me stressing and slowly the stress is going away because i'm talking about what is stressing me. I really hope i can get a job soon because i need to be able to take care of myself. I hate feeling like i'm a burden on anyone.


Today is the day i'm going to do something about my sad life. I'm going to make it happy somehow.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

New pouch/clutches

I have been a crocheting machine. I am so happy with the finish products.




overall I am happy with them. and the little bows make me smile LOL. They are currently for sale on my facebook page and soon to be esty. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Joys-Crochet/123781184366024

Monday, July 4, 2011

The 4th

Yet another holiday without you. Another day without you. I know its coming to an end, but i cant help but feel alone. I love you more than the atmosphere that keeps us in. You are my rainbow.
I am free because of what you do, because of what all service men do. Others will never know what we go through just to be happy. They don't understand the challenges. Don't understand how lonely we are when we see other couples enjoying each others company. They don't understand that we would long to touch, smell and hear each other.  They complain that hes home late, while i'm worried the date he'll be home will change again.


I am ranting. I miss my baby. And today on this 4th it means something to me. It makes me prideful. I am proud to be American because of the service men of our country. what they sacrifice when they go out there to protect us. I love you Scott more than you know.